Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
