SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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