thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
