Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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