I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
