By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize