just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
