my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
