ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
