perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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