OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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