I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
