In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
