Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
