Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I faked an abortion last night.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
