im having a threesome with these popsicles
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
