You're completely useless in the revolution.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
