His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
They are going to name an STD after you.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
