I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
