and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
