i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
