i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
