I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
