Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Randomize
