i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
