so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
