Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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