Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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