there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
