We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
