proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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