All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
