Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize