That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
