I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
