My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
