She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
A+ Viking dick
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
