Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
