just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
