i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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