sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
