Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The air was thick with penises
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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