if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
