Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
