I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
