Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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