So drunk its hurt
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
