the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
