I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
