It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
