the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
