What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
