If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You are the jesus of drinking
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
