I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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