Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
