Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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