Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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