I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
