She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
