He felt like a one man threesome
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My vagina just clenched in fear
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
