I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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