Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
