saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize