Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
