went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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