I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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