This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
