So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
