Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
