The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
