All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
