Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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