She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
