Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
As shirtless as possible
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize