When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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