in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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