I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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