im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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