i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
