This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
