Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
