I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize