Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
